It's a Zoo Out There: City Girl Gone Wild

"...If the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists." - Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park

I’ve heard that one of the best things about traveling full-time and visiting more remote locations is the wildlife you encounter. Let's start with the fact that I'm a city girl. My idea of wildlife is a squirrel in the attic, raccoon in the dumpster, or a king snake in the garage. These are the wildest things I've encountered in the city.

Now that we're out in national forests and parks, I want to see all manner of wild things parading by my window waiting for me to step out. City girls dream that wildlife will be flitting all around like a Disney princess when she walks through the forest or sings with mice. However, I’ve watched too many episodes of Wild Kingdom, the Crocodile Hunter, and Planet Earth to not be shaking in my hiking boots. I keep asking my husband to buy bear repellant, mothballs to anti-snake around the camper, and a really big BB gun to scare away all the big cats who have yet to make themselves known. I also have every manner of mosquito repellant and deep woods bug spray. I was a girl scout and I'm trying to be prepared. My only close encounter with wildlife happened 30 years ago, but it made an indelible impression. On a trip after college, my brother, some friends, and I decided to drive to the National Zoo in DC. We stopped at Maymont Park in Richmond on the way. This was the start of a very bad wildlife day. We had already reached triple digit record heat when we headed

out in my Hyundai Excel 4-speed with vinyl seats and no AC. We arrived at the park and walked over to the bison fence. Bison are huge, furry, and incredibly smelly, but I was enthralled as I had never seen anything like it up close. Unfortunately, I was too close to the wire fence when a bison needed a bathroom break and ended up with wet shoes, legs, and shorts. Score 1 for wildlife.

I ended up in the back seat with my short straw drawing friend for the drive to DC as no one wanted to be downwind of me in the scorching heat. Add to that the vinyl seat slip and slide due to my rapid 110° water weight loss and wet shorts. My seat mate was not thrilled and called shotgun for the drive home. We finally arrived safely at the zoo after taking a wrong turn into the war zone of DC where you run all the red lights to get back to your actual route. This was before GPS when signs were king and we apparently were all lacking in the spot a sign department. Needless to say, we sped out of there with 4th gear pegged in my 0-60 in 15 minutes vehicle. Different kind of wildlife on the mean streets of DC. But I digress. Once at the zoo, we had a wonderful time (as much as you can walking on asphalt that melts your soul). I decided I wanted to go to the petting zoo before we left. Kids do it all the time so I didn't think twice. Goats are adorable. I love goats. I especially love the goats that don't sneeze in your hand when they have a cold. Yes, I ended up with a hand full with no way to wash my hands. This was, after all, the early 90s - pre-covid, pre-hand wash stations, prehistoric times. Score another for wildlife.

If that wasn't bad enough, I tried to take a picture of camels who did what camels often do...spit. Wildlife 3, me 0. I'd had enough and tromped back to the car for an uncomfortable ride home. I don't think I've been back to a zoo since. Suffice it to say that until now, I’ve enjoyed wildlife from a distance, narrated by Sir David Attenborough, Marlon Perkins, or Morgan Freeman. I was born with a strong survival instinct (stay out of the woods) and have an irrational fear of all snakes, even really big worms, and anything that can kill me with a paw swipe. Yet here I am living out in the wild amongst bears, mountain lions, rattlesnakes, and other deadly awe-inspiring

creatures. While I haven't actually seen anything other than a coyote, an elk, and a prairie dog, I know they're there and I think they may know I'm here too. They can smell city girl, I'm sure of it.